Ode to You - 'Not' love letter

I've told you you're pretty, I've told you you're smart, I've told you you're pleasant, but have I ever told you HOW MUCH?
You're not just pretty. You're darn beautiful to me. Your eyes have that deepness that makes anyone fall in love with them. They're deep, but luminous. Even when you're sad, their light never fades. Your reddish cheeks make you look like a child, like an adult who never grew up. Your smile can make anyone smile with you. Not me. Your smile makes me want to cry because it's not real. One day I'll change that, so it doesn't matter.
Your body is so small, so curvy. It should look frail, but it doesn't. It shows you've got talent for sports and that you are a hard worker. I will not mention how sexy you can look, because that you already know.
You're not just smart, you're clever, intelligent. You know about things that "normal" teens don't even care about, or even know they exist. You make teachers feel embarrassed for not knowing what you know. Of course, you don't have perfect grades in school, because you don't want to, because you've stopped caring, because they made you stop caring. If you wanted to, you could have been the top genius of the school. You could be everything you want.
Your mind is open enough to believe me when I exposed myself as an impossible being. You are curious about subjects that wouldn't matter to others. Better than that, you seek the information that fulfils your curiosity, and share it with whoever wants to know. You have the know-how, the practical knowledge, about certain matters. If you like something, you try it, test it, put it to a showdown. This aspect of your knowledge is what makes you so special and smart, and it's what makes me like your "brains".
You're not just pleasant, you're lovely, so easy to like. You know I'm more familiar with energies than with anything else, so let's start with that. Your energy. It's subtle and light. You can pass by a person almost without being noticed. Your surrounding glow is smooth; I can almost touch it and take it in my hands. Blue-ish and pinkish lines strike your energy, meaning you're calm but energetic. When I taste your liveliness, I feel the urge to take it all away from you. It begs for me to do it. The lack of self esteem, the sadness within, the touch of misery beneath the joy, it's all a part of you, and it's all like a drug to me. It makes your eyes shine, it makes your cheeks pink, it makes you understand life in a better way, it makes you who you are. That's the part of you that pulls me towards you, and keeps me by your side. Even your once-in-a-while desire to die, to spend some months in a far away country, to be in a coma. Even that part has its beauty. You never try to end your own life, but you wait patiently for Death to come, wishing it won't take long. That's a very mature, yet insightful thing of you to think. That, in part, is what makes you live day by day, like it's your last. You enjoy the moment, doing as you please in your own free time. You wish you had more free time, or even better: you wish you had more time to BE free. And I can assure you, that time won't take long to come. If you stand your "home-jail" days for a while longer, you'll be just like your energy: free. Care-free, worry-free, sadness-free.
Fly, sweetheart. Fly with your soul and your imagination, and your own wings will be awarded to you, soon.
Until then, remember all the words I just told you. Remember how valuable you are. Remember just how much you mean to the ones you love, and to those who love you (love, in whatever form exists, they're all applicable). Until then, remember me.

Joana Palma
26/04/10 - 30/04/10